Dienstag, 29. Juni 2010

Iuro inglis

The European Commission has just announced that agreement has been reached that English will be the official language of the European Community, rather than German (which was the other possibility).  As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5-year-phase-in of new rules that will apply to the language to enable it to be reclassified as Euro English.
The agreed plan is as follows:
  • In year 1, the soft 'c' will be replaced by 's'. Sertainly sivil servants will embrase this advanse. Also, the hard 'c' will be replased by 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and komputer keyboards kan now have one less letter.
  • There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' is replased by 'f'.  Not only is this more fonetik, but it will kreate effisiensies of up to 20 per sent in words like 'fotograf' and 'filosofy'.
  • In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments  will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.  Also al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the language is disgrasful, and they wil eliminat them.
  • By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to mor sofistikated linguistik korektions such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v' (saving stil mor keyboard spas).
  • During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kom tru!

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